Empaths, Narcissists and the Fear of Telepathy

Many years ago I had an experience I will never forget. Over the years only a few people have ever learned of this experience and I'm sure even fewer really believe it, especially as I'm not so sure about it myself. Most people know what a psychic or a medium is; and who hasn't dreamed of having telepathic powers. Now let me ask you another question. Have you ever heard of an empath? Yeah...neither had I until one day when a strange individual accused me of possessing such an ability. 

Now a flashback into my past may bring out a bit of a believer in you. First, I have always been an emotional individual. And no, I don't just mean that in a feminine regard where I cry over every small situation. For most of my childhood, I was isolated. I was an only child, with little interaction with my family, and absolutely no friends. Once I developed a couple strong friends, that all changed but that's a story for another day. Despite that lack of friendship, I was often the outlet for the people around me. One I was in high school, being the supportive friend became a nightmare. I had had it happen before where I would become so overwhelmed with several situations that even the littlest thing would set me off into episodes of sheer panic. Yeah, we've all had breakdowns but usually its our own lives that bring about the stress. For me, it was everyone around me that drove my levels of fear and anger through the roof, even when my life was fairly stable. Of course through the mediocre teaching of social psychology did basic classes formed the ideas in my head that I was psychologically screwed up. Turns out, I was just never able to distinguish my situation from the people around me. But that's the person I became. I felt that my only worth, that my purpose in life was to take on the emotions of others in order to relieve the emotional stress that they were experiencing.

I believe it was my sophomore year of high school when I first began to really talk to a boy named Justin Hernandez. He was a huge dork that though he was cool because he knew two martial arts moves, and basically we'd give each other a hard time when passing in the halls or goofing off in gym class. Pretty typical right? That is until Justin began to open up to me; and trust me, those were flood gates that could not be closed. This boy's past tore me apart in every aspect. I knew that I wanted to take on those emotions and be committed to helping him with all that he experienced. We used to talk for hours about anything and everything. I made myself vulnerable to him and he took advantage. Shortly after we started having these deep conversations did he ask me if I knew what an empath was. As most respond, I told him I had no idea. Surprised was I when he claimed that this emotional baggage I carried all these years what due to the fact that I was an empath. An individual that was made to help those in need. He called me an angel, made to take on the fear and pain of others.

I did my own research as any skeptical teenager does, and I finally felt like there was an explanation for all the unexplained fear I held onto in my life. Even random stranger have approached me, spilling their life stories of fear of being disowned and unloved. That was something I could never explain. And he told me, that he would work with me, teach me how to control it. For a long time, I believed he had my best interest at heart. He used to throw the most awful situations in my face and tell me to explain my reflection and feelings I received when given these situations. I used to shake and cry at night because he'd start and wouldn't let me stop. He just kept piling on the emotions, his emotions that he no longer wanted to suppress because he had someone else to put them on. And those were the things I couldn't see at least not for some time.

There was one evening that really made me fearful of my abilities, provided I had any at all. But even this situation goes beyond explanation. He described the setting and told me to imagine that night through his 5 year old eyes. He said he asked his dad for a glass of water. I responded with the next piece of the story as his father's drunken rage sent a slap across his face, my face. Again he began as he explains his dogs attempt to protect him, only to be beaten as well. Soon he returned to his room, and you could hear that someone was home. It didn't but a moment to know it was his now dead mother that walked straight into the blind rage of her husband. The image of her blood on the floor still burns in my mind.

From that point on, I knew I needed to abandon him. His narcissistic ways were only for personal gain. It made him feel better to take advantage and unload his emotions onto me as where I had no outlet. To this day, this situation has stuck with me. I've overcome many fears and trust issues that came of this but it made me question my purpose. I still question what my purpose on this Earth if I even have one. 

To anyone who reads this, please don't judge me for it. In all honesty, I don't know if my young, naive ways drove me down such a destructive past or if I can truly be defined as an "empath" or whatever claims can be made. All I know is that I have worked so hard to give myself enough space so that I could tackle my own issues before taking on those of others.

And I just want to take a second to thank the few, unbelievable people I have in my life. You may never read this, but I hope that you know that you are the only reason that I am as strong as I am today. Thank you.